


bubble, bubble, toil and treacle

by maesilju



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, Hogwarts AU, Third Gym shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 23:39:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5763352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maesilju/pseuds/maesilju
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Bokuto and Lev are up to no good, there is lots of treacle, and Tsukki is decidedly Not Amused.</p>
<p>“So you decided to go ahead and magic a cauldron into producing endless amounts of treacle,” Kei finishes, “without thinking about what might happen?” </p>
<p>“Uh, yeah,” Bokuto admits, scratching his head. He looks morose for a moment. Then his smile returns, full-force, “But you can fix it! Right?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	bubble, bubble, toil and treacle

**Author's Note:**

> For circus_usagi, who wanted Hufflepuff! Bokuto and Lev shenanigans! :D

It's raining. Kei likes rain, usually; when he’s dry, warm and by the fire, with a steaming mug of hot chocolate. But there’s nothing _usual_ about this rain; for one, it’s happening right indoors, and for another, it looks and smells awfully like a horrendous mixture of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and Honeydukes Acid Pops, and something else he can’t quite name. He wrinkles his nose and hefts his broom a little higher with an aggrieved sigh. Quidditch practice has been bad enough; Nishinoya's gotten even more enthusiastic with the Bludgers, letting them rip with excitable “Rolling Thunders!” and his arms ache from wrangling with the damn things. Kei has been looking forward to a long bath, and dinner, and then Potions homework, and an early night, and definitely not…. _this_. The liquid hasn’t stopped raining from the ceiling of the Great Hall; it fizzes gently against the bubble charm he’s put up, gelatinous and sparkly, changing colour with each shift of the light. It might even be pretty, if it didn’t get _everywhere_. 

 

A crowd has formed around the stairs - first-years who don’t know any better, mostly (nevermind that he’s a first-year, too); he spots a head of orange hair in there somewhere, and hears a delighted yell, “HEY, IT TASTES PRETTY GOOD!” That, apparently, is the cue for everyone else to tilt their heads up to the ceiling and stick out their tongues, which gross, thank you very much. Kei makes a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat, and speeds up, intending to get out of all this foolishness and head back to the relative safety and sanity of the Ravenclaw common room. 

 

Unfortunately, it isn’t to be. A heavy arm falls across his shoulder; a weight that Kei associates with feline grins, unruly black hair and most of all, _trouble_. “Piss off,” he mutters, out the corner of his mouth, and Kuroo’s own curves up in a lazy grin. “Manners, Tsukki. Wonderful weather, isn’t it?” 

 

Kei grits his teeth. Ever since Kuroo’s heard Yamaguchi call him ‘Tsukki’, he’s been insufferable. Kei briefly considers elbowing him in the side and making a run for it, but the weird rain of whatever-the-hell-it-is has pooled on the floor and walking through it is increasingly like wading through treacle. He’s going to have to scrub his robes clean by hand, no magic - no two ways about it. 

 

Kei settles for an aggrieved “What is it now?” hoping that Kuroo will take the hint and clear off, but that isn’t the case. 

 

“He’s right, y’know,” Kuroo shakes the vial in his slender fingers. “Shrimpy. It’s good.” 

 

“No thanks,” Kei says, plodding determinedly ahead; Kuroo keeps up, his infuriatingly long legs never once breaking pace. 

 

“Well, since you’re free,” Kuroo continues, apropos of nothing, “maybe you could help me, with, ah, a problem.” 

 

“Nope.” 

 

“So cold!” He pouts; it has no effect where Kei is concerned. 

 

“Well, it’s mostly that Bokuto and I might have encountered a bit of a hiccup,” Kuroo confesses, scratching his head. Above, the rain continues to fall in sheets, with no sign of stopping. 

 

_Bokuto_. Kei should’ve known. Even Peeves doesn’t come close to wreaking as much as chaos as Kuroo and Bokuto do combined, and that’s saying something. 

 

“Well, solve it yourself.” Kei pushes his glasses up irritably. 

 

He’s approaching the Ravenclaw common room now; five more minutes, and he’ll be free - away form the rain, and more importantly, Kuroo. 

 

“Ah, yes, right about here,” and Kuroo proceeds to drag him away in the opposite direction, up a flight of stairs and down a twisting set of corridors that Kei is sure he’s never seen before. 

 

Kei glares. This definitely wasn’t part of his plans; they’ve gone much higher in Hogwarts than Kei’s ever cared to go, and if he could just extricate himself from Kuroo’s iron grip - 

 

“In here,” Kuroo interrupts, and pushes a door open. Kei takes a breath, and sneezes. The room is filled with a pinkish fog and smells - - sweet, cloying in his nose and on his tongue, the air thick with the electric zing and hum with sorcery. 

 

“Hey, hey, hey! If it isn’t Glasses!” A shape looms out of the mist, and Bokuto Koutaro, Head Boy of Hufflepuff (though Merlin knows how he got the position) grins at him, wreathed in fog. 

 

There’s a miserable, choked sound, and Bokuto bends over, picking another shape by the scruff of his neck and hauling him upright. It’s Lev, Kei sees, and he looks very, very green. 

 

“Is he dead,” Kei deadpans; Lev certainly looks like it. 

 

“Uh. No.” Kuroo prods at Lev, who groans, clutching his stomach. “It’s just, he had a bit too much of our treacle. We think.” 

 

Which brings Kei’s attention to the simmering cauldron in the centre of the room; it’s overflowing, treacle oozing over the brim and slopping onto the floor, and - Kei realises in horror - sinking through the stone to rain in the Great Hall below. 

 

“What the hell were you thinking,” Kei begins, and Bokuto cuts him off, beaming. 

 

“I was hungry! And Lev, Lev here,” he shakes Lev, “had the best idea! What about a pot that always overflows, he said, and yeah, I thought, that’s awesome! So I- “

 

“So you decided to go ahead and magic a cauldron into producing endless amounts of treacle,” Kei finishes, “without thinking about what might happen?” 

 

“Uh, yeah,” Bokuto admits, scratching his head. He looks morose for a moment. Then his smile returns, full-force, “But you can fix it! Right?” 

 

The door flies open (pity, because Kei had had the best retort on the tip of his tongue), to reveal a smirking Peeves and an enraged Professor Mizoguchi. 

 

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON,” he yells, which of course is the best possible moment for the cauldron to let out an ominous gurgle, and then proceed to geyser its contents forcefully across the entire room. 

 

Professor Mizoguchi, naturally, is Not Amused. In the treacley, gooey aftermath, Hufflepuff loses five hundred and eight-six points, Ravenclaw three hundred and fifty, and Slytherin five hundred; and they all get detention, which is cleaning the entire mess up. By hand. No magic. 

 

Kei tries to protest that he’s just an innocent bystander, but to no avail; he gets a week helping Filch clean the trophy room. 

 

“I really, really hate you,” he mutters to Kuroo, as they drag a semi-conscious Lev down to the infirmary. 

 

Kuroo only winks at him, but the treacle rather ruins the effect. “Ah, well, what’s life if it’s not interesting?” 

 

“Perfectly fine by me,” Kei mutters, but Kuroo’s right; today's events  _are_  more interesting than Potions homework. His clothes, though, don’t stop smelling of treacle for weeks afterwards. 

**Author's Note:**

> I just realised Akaashi isn't in this; I like to think that Akaashi heard the words "Lev" and "magic treacle", and calmly and majestically left the room before he could be dragged into Bokuto's mischief.


End file.
